Death Wish
by MissDevon
Summary: a story for both Nat fans and haters. With her life imploding Natalie finds out what Tess told Nash about her and decides to take action by putting an end to her life in Landview once and for all.


Once upon a time she had been a fighter.  
She didn't let anyone get the best of her.  
She knew how to spot a con and run a better one.  
But then, something happened.  
She supposed _he _happened.

She made herself into someone else because of him--- because he made her believe that she could be that someone else and that they would accept her more if she became that someone else.

So she lived with one foot in one world and the other in another and she got by.  
And then he was gone.  
But she still did it.  
Because it was what was expected--- what she expected of herself.  
And because she couldn't decide which world she wanted to be in, she made bad choices and continued to live in both.

Then he came back, or so they thought, and then he wasn't him after all and she was free falling because of the deceit and because she wasn't sure if he was what she wanted anymore anyway. And she was angry because he had conned her. Because she had become someone who couldn't spot it. But even more so, couldn't make up her mind.

And she continued like that.  
Until one day she set her sights on something.  
For the first time in a long time she knew what she wanted.

She supposed it was her mistake to look to a man, especially to the one she looked to. But she wanted a hero. Someone who she didn't have to be so strong around, someone who didn't expect her to change for them. Someone who got the scared girl behind the mask.

And in doing so, she lost more of herself.  
Her fight and spark weren't placed where they should've been, but in getting him to notice her.

It only took her almost dying for it to happen.

But when he did, it was all she had wanted.  
For the first time, she felt like all of her dreams might come true. The house filled with love, a family of her own, and someone she could count on to share it with her.

But like all of her dreams, it evaporated.  
Someone took it away.  
Once again she hadn't spotted the game.  
Seen past the illusion.  
Because he had been who he had said he was and _he _had known--- all it took was his ex and her b!tch of a sister to let her know.

And as her life was imploding around her, she realized that she had no one.

Wrapping her arms around her chest, she sat in the therapist office with her family--- not for herself, but for her twin. She avoided eye contact with Layla who clung to Antonio to 'keep up appearances.' She refused to lean on her brother Joey, because he would leave soon. She looked over at her parents who were concerned with their part of the Tess/Jess whatever it was.

She tried to ignore the sound of Kevin screaming at Nash that he didn't belong there, even as Jess morphed into Tess and ran to pull the door open and throw herself into her lover's arms. Watching the moment, she couldn't help but see the connection between the two, as Antonio got up and started yelling.

She watched as Tess crumbled to the floor and cowered, hands covering her face as she turned back into Jess.

Watched as her father loving pulled her up and brought her back to her seat, wondering how Clint could manage to move so quickly across the room.

Watched her sister try to fight something off as the doctor introduced Nash to them all. As he introduced her, she watched shock cross his face. "Something wrong?" she managed to ask.

"Umm. . . no, just surprised," Nash said embarrassed as he put his hands into his pockets.

"Let me guess, Tess didn't have a sister?"

"Um. . .she said. . ."

"What?"

"She said her sister had killer herself," Nash admitted.

Natalie stared for a minute before shifted to look at her sister and then the rest of the family: "well, perhaps that saids it all," she said as she stood and reached for her bag. "Please excuse me."

"Natalie, where are you going?" Vickie asked.

"Maybe to do us all a favor and actually do it," Layla commented cattily.

"What?" Clint asked distractedly as he looked up from Jessica and towards his other daughter.

Natalie glared at Layla before straightening her spine and tossing her hair back: "that was one snide remark too many."

"Like you're really going to do something?" the black girl asked.

Kevin rolled his eyes: "Natalie, for once can everything not be about you?"

"Since when has it been?" Natalie asked.

"Don't. . ."

"I'm leaving. I mean, it doesn't matter to anyone if I stay does it?"

The doctor looked at her: "clearly there are some things that you and your twin need to. . "

"To what? Come to terms with? Deal with? I don't think so," Natalie returned sharply. "Let's actually look at all of this shall we? See, I've done some research, back when my mother's alter tried to make me believe that I had DID, and the chances of it reoccurring in a family are pretty slim, and since Uncle Todd also has it. . . Really Doc, can we get real here? Don't get me wrong here. I think my sister has some sort of problem, but I don't think DID. If I'm wrong, sorry. But. . . well, Jessie, I think you've got one hell of a con going."

"Natalie!" Vickie gasped.

"Isn't it interesting, that she has nothing to say for herself? I mean, who knows, maybe she was brainwashed too."

"That's enough young lady," Clint said raising to his feet. "You apologize and sit down and act like. . . "

"Like what? A member of this family? Since when have you noticed me being one? Or is that what's going to turn out to be the trigger of Tess showing up?" she shot back angrily. "Maybe Tess was right. Maybe in a way I did kill myself--- or at least a part of myself. But, no more. I'm outta here. I'm done playing by the Buchanan rules."

"You never have," Kevin chided.

"Right. Well, whatever. Jessica can be only daughter again. Maybe it will be what it takes to keep Tess at bay," she said coldly as she stormed out, Antonio hot on her tail.

"Natalie, you know that Jess wouldn't fake something like this. You also know that she isn't responsible for what Tess might have said. Don't misplace your anger about John and what he did to Christian onto her. In fact, you probably should set up some time with the doctor to help you deal with all that. I mean, Chris is still willing to forgive you and. . ."

"_Forgive me? _I'm not the one who asked someone to lie about my identity. I didn't let everyone mourn me twice! What is there to forgive on his part?"

"You being with John."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not with John."

"Yeah, but for how long? How long till you start chasing after him again?"

Natalie stared at Antonio and shook her head as Layla came out: "she won't get him. He and Vang are in the process of getting back together. I mean, with her helping him deal with getting out of the mess that she helped to cause. After all, if he hadn't lied about Christian because of your skany a$$ he wouldn't be facing charges."

At the words, she looked at Antonio and cocked her head to the side: "you agree with that?'

"Of course he does. I mean, I am his fiance, and he's going to take my side over yours time and time again."

"Right," Natalie said, "well, save the postage and don't send me an invite. That is if you make it to the altar."

"What the little red headed slut's going to go after him? I think he's on to your games," Layla laughed.

"Layla. . ." Antonio said warningly, noticing a certain glint in Natalie's eyes.

"I can handle her."

"Considered me handled. You can go back in, and Antonio you can keep on pretending to care about my sister, I have things I need to take care of. Bye."

Watching her stalk off, Layla smirked: "well good riddance. Do we really have to go back in there? It's so boring and since Nash is there. . ."

"Right. She won't be needing me. . ."

**Chapter 2**

Natalie smiled as she signed the last paper and handed over to her attorney. "Is that everything?"

"Yes."

"And you're sure that my family won't be able to trace me, or that the others won't find out who the information came from."

"Considering who some of my former clients were, I can assure you I will be as discrete as you need. To the point of forgetting you were ever here."

"Good, do that. I won't be in touch, but I expect to be seeing updates in certain places."

"Of course. But I must ask, Ms. Buchanan, are you sure about this?"

Natalie laughed slightly at that: "didn't I tell you? Ms. Buchanan is dead. She killed herself, or at least that's the story her sister tells," she responded as she rose and picked up the copies of documents that she needed before heading towards the door.

**Chapter 3**

At some point she gave up.  
At some point she stopped caring.  
She let herself die.  
She buried herself in Landview, at the gully she had so often visited with him.  
At the pool tables at Rodi's that she shared with another.

So, as someone else, she started over again.

Someplace new.

With a new plan.  
A new identity.

But in her wake she left the destruction that they always believed she would, but no one could prove that she did.

Chris never able to reclaim his career or identity because she had copyrighted his name and took the paintings he had left when he 'died' with her.  
John losing his badge even though he avoided jail.  
Evangiline losing her license a few weeks later when she was found to be in violation of ethical standards with the Bar Association because of numerous conflicts of interest, the most inflammatory being her knowledge that Antonio and Layla's relationship was a hoax, which caused Antonio to not only loose custody of Jamie, but also his paternal rights.  
The Buchanans to be put in financial straits because of the amount of stock she had secretly bought.  
Jess being institutionalized, and then losing custody of her baby because Antonio was deemed unfit and Nash was out of the country. Of course the family would have taken the child in if the judge hadn't been forced to keep his mouth shut with information concerning his dealings with the Hessers as well as a gambling problem.

All in all not a bad score card.

She had gambled and won.

And they would never know, and even if they did, she wouldn't be returning to Landview.

Because while Natalie Buchanan-Vega had felt the need to kill herself, Natalie Benjamin had almost all she ever wanted.

A home of her own.  
Food on the table.  
A job she liked.  
A man she could fall in love with.  
And an adopted daughter who she loved as her own, even if she was her niece. . .


End file.
